Mom Mom Mom, Mommy Mommy Mommy, Ma Ma Ma, Mother Mother Mother

WHAT?!!

 HI!

 Today was a typical stay at home mommy day haha. With Laundry being done, kids bathing, kids crying, kids whining, kids tattling, kids napping, kids fighting, kids crying for their daddy because you put them in time out, mommy pulling out all her hair, mommy putting on her headphones and pretending like she can't hear you haha. It's been a lot of fun. And I really mean that.. This is what I am supposed to be doing. Taking care of the kids while my dear loving hubby is working hard to bring home the bacon.

I went out on Sunday and took pictures of Beth and her little family and then after that I went over to my Uncle Spikes and took pictures of my cousin Shannon and her family. It was a lot of fun. And my pictures turned out great! Which makes me want to go out and do more. So next on my photo list is Brea's beautiful little girls and Sabreanna's sister in law Andrea and her family. Fun Times! 

I totally forgot to mention in my post yesterday that Jackson turned 2 months old yesterday! He is growing up so dang fast! Everyday his "Mommybean" (My sister Sabreanna, his other mommy) has me take a picture of him and send it to her. I try to grab him in the morning so he has a big grin for her. He has recently found his hands, and uses them to soothe himself when he can't find his binki. It so stinking cute I love it. I can't stand it when people freak out over their babies sucking their thumbs or sucking on their hands. ITS CUTE! Let them be a baby, worry about it later like when they are 2 or 3. I know we are going to have to wean him from his Binki. But I am planning on doing way sooner than what we did with Samuel. We didn't wean him from the bink until he was 3 and getting ready for preschool... BIG MISTAKE! I am thinking as soon as he is drinking from a sippy, I am going to get rid of the bink. We keep talking about this summer, and I just cannot picture him as a 6month old baby. I just can't! You mean he is actually going to grow up!? That is not what I signed up for! haha... 

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. It hurts... haha anyways, I want more. I want more for myself. Not for myself but out of myself. I know I am capable of more. So I have some goals.. and I've decided a few things. Like I am going to get my GED taking care of. I know I can do it. I just need to get off my butt and do it. Throw all my excuses away and do it! Getting this out of the way, will open the door for me going back to school. I want to go back to school. I want to feel like I am doing something more with my life. Bettering me as a person. Which will in the long run, help me to raise my kids to be better people. How can I instill in my kids that school is OH SO VERY IMPORTANT! If I didn't even finish highschool, let alone take my GED? Thats right I can't.. So I have too, if not for myself then for my kids. Plus with my dad dieing so suddenly, I really think I need to get some sort of degree, so that in case anything ever happens to Paul I can provide for our family. It's going to be hard, and its probably going to suck.. But I know I need too, and I actually really want too. I want too feel like I am something more. I want to be book smart. haha.. Now I just need to establish my plan, and carry it out. Make a list, check it twice, and git'r done.. haha.. yeah I am bored.

I just keep typing so that I don't have to face the reality of the squirming, fussing little person next to me, who is so obviously filling his diaper.. it's fun being a mommy... really it is haha...

 

Spot Light Of The Month:

Aidan Paul Schow

also known as:

Piepie, Pie'ah, Poophead

What do you want to be when you grow up?

"I want to be Samuel"

What is your favorite color? 

"Red"

What is your favorite Animal?

"Penguin"

Who's your best friend

?

"Jackjack"

What is gravity?

"Um when you breathe"

What would you do with $100 dollars?

"Buy a lot of toys, like Wall-E"

What is your favorite food?

"Popcorn"

What is your favorite toy?

"Batman"

What is your favorite movie?

"Wall-E"

How many kids do you want when you grow up?

"10 and a half"

I am staying home today!

That is my goal. To stay home and get stuff done. Like laundry, a blog post, editing pictures, and giving my kids lots of snuggles. Rightnow, I am in complete heaven. Jackson is asleep next to me, and Betty is laying next to him watching cartoons. My rooms smells like clean clothes, because that is the scent that is in my scentsy.. I ♥ my scentsy! Samuel stayed home sick from school today. He is the last one of the whole family to catch this nasty cold that we have been passing around. I was hoping we would get away with him not getting it, but no such luck. Paul was the first one to get it, and he got the nasty part of it. He ended up in the ER last Monday because he was having such a hard time with it. He ended up having pneumonia. So he got some really powerful antibiotics and we did breathing treatments morning and night on him, so he got over it pretty quickly after that. Betty was the second person to get it, she still has a bit of cough but I think she is pretty much over it. Then I got it, but since I am super mom, it lasted a day and half and then I was back to my old self. Aidan was the fourth one to getting it, and we are still having to give him breathing treatments for it. And despite my best efforts, Jackson got it. He developed his symptoms on Sunday, and when he still had a fever on Monday morning, we took him and Betty into the doctors. Betty was pretty much over it, but I thought I better take her just in case. Dr.W said that Jackson was mostly just in his nose and throat, but to watch him for any heaving breathing and coughing fits. Then he checked Jackson's ears and saw that he had an ear infection, so he gave us an antibiotic. Aidan kept getting better, then worse, better then worse, so on Wednesday we took him into see Dr. W.  He told us to do breathing treatments and gave us an antibiotic for him. And now poor Samuel has it. He hasn't been coughing much, but he has the fever. We kept him home from school and have just been watching him, and letting him rest.

So it has been a pretty crazy couple of weeks here.  Wednesday was St. Patricks day, and we had our yummy St. Patricks day feast, and I dressed all the kids up in their green outfits.

I didn't get a picture of the boys for some reason haha.

Thursday was Paul's 28th birthday. We just did what he wanted for the day, and then took him out to The Smoking Apple to eat. It was realllly good. And the kids loved eating out at a restaurant.

On Saturday we had a birthday party for the boys. Yes another one haha. We had to have one with my family, and because of everything that happened last month, we had to wait until this past weekend, so that Chelsea and Cami would be here.  I spent most the day cooking cupcakes and getting the house ready. Then we blew up 80balloons haha. The kids had a pretty good time with the relay race, and then popping the balloons.

The boys were loving opening their presents

That is until Aunt Sami had to give them a gag gift

They didn't like the barbies so much.. haha

After the party, all the girls headed to the craft store. We bought flowers and beads, then came home and made bracelets, hair clips and even cut and made a few tutu's and a diaper cake was even made haha. 

It was a great night.

"My Big Sister Is The Best"-Jackson

Yesterday we had to run some errands. We stopped at Maverik to get gas, and Betty asked for a candy bar. One of those cookies and creme ones to be exact haha. We were almost home, we went a head and got it for her, so we could have a happy trip home. Well we were gone past the two hour mark and Jackson was starting to fuss because he was hungry. So we headed homeward. About 5miles from home Jackson started to really cry. He wanted his food and he wanted it NOW! During all this Betty is repeating "Im full" over and over. So I tell her its okay and she just needed to put it by her carseat until we got home. As we turned the corner Jackson stopped crying and I thought maybe something rubbed against his cheek so he thought he was getting food, and he would start crying again once he realized. Well he doesn't start crying again, then I start hearing this weird noise coming from the backseat. I crane my neck to see what the noise is... Its Jackson sucking... On Betty's chocolate covered fingers!

Let me tell you he was NOT a happy camper after I told Betty that she couldn't let him suck on her fingers. haha

Speaking of our Jackson.. Our Little Man weighed in at 9lbs 5 ounces at the doctors yesterday.. =] He is getting big so fast!

Adding up

Ever feel like there is so much to do, and you just cant seem to catch up? The more you do, the more it seems like stuff just keeps piling up. A never ending bottom less pit of "To Do's".

I seriously feel as if I am trapped in this vortex of grief and chores. I throw myself into house work to forget everything else, and when I finally give into my bodies cries for rest, all I can do is sit and stew in the grief, not to mention that I have anxiety that something bad is going to happen. I'll get a thought in my head and I won't be able to let it go. With all the boys and Paul's medical issues, I constantly worry and constantly check to make sure they are breathing through out the night, as well as Betty and Jackson. Paul has possible pneumonia and I am on the verge of a friggin panic attack, Aidan has a fever, and I am quite certain Betty has croup from the sound of her barking cough.No sleep for me tonight...

Its just amazing how fast people can leave you, and I am having a hard time dealing with this. When I am not keeping myself busy, I run through the events of my dads passing over and over again. Then I just get beyond worried that someone else is going to have to leave me that suddenly again. And I do not think my heart could bear that, let alone my soul. I know I am just going through the normal stages of grief, but my poor broken heart is just growing weary.

Today is the 7 year anniversary of my moms passing. Its hard to believe its been 7 years. Samuel was just barely a month old. He was in the hospital and they were trying to firgure out what was wrong with him. He had issues with eating, and RSV pneumonia on top of that. We had what they call a sleep room at the hospital because Samuel had stop breathing the night before and they had to do CPR on him to get him back. So they had a nurse staying in his room. My dad came by for a visit and said that my mom had some lab work that needed to be done in the morning so he would bring her by after that. Paul's dad came to give us a short break, so we ran home to grab some clean clothes. I was in a bit of hurry because it was late and I knew Pauls dad had to be to work the next morning. I ran in, went upstairs grabbed my stuff, and as I was headed out the door, something told me to go say goodbye to my mom. I brushed it off, because I figured she was sleeping and I would just talk to her in the morning. I don't remember exactly what time it was, but there was knocking on our sleep room door. Paul jumped up to answer it, and it was Samantha. She told him that my mom was downstairs, he didn't understand what she was meaning, and so he told Sami to go ahead and bring her up. The next thing I remember is running... and My dad telling me what had happened.. Then they took us in that tiny little room. She was gone..

And it feels like all that just happened yesterday. I know that the pain and grief are so bad this time, because I just layed my dad to rest a little over a month ago. I just don't know what to do. Everything feels like its piling up. Bills, Chores, and Pain... How did one simple room change turn into such a huge over hauling? What should have taken a day, now seems to be taking over my life. Everyday I have this big long list of things that I need to get done, and It seems like I can only get one thing done.  Or the more I get done off the list the more that needs to be done. This just doesn't seem fair. The saying "Life is not fair" Well I believe that is a gross understatement. I don't really see how its fair that I lost my mom right after giving birth to my first son.. She was supposed to be there for me, to teach me, to help me through the rough times. To teach Samuel to say "Da Da DoDo" just like she did with all the other grandkids. She supposed to be the one I call up in the middle of the night when one of the kids has a fever and I am not sure if we should take them to the ER or wait it out til morning. She never even got the chance to teach me how to sew. Ya know I just feel really cheated, because Just when I was coming out of that stupid Teenager phase where your friends are way more important to you than your family, She had to go.. I couldn't just have one more year? And how about my dad? This year could have been great for him. We just got him back. He wouldn't have to miss out on all our yearly traditions this year. The Zoo, Camping, Lagoon, Birthday parties. All those missed memories.

I know it was their time to go. I know they are together now. Happy, Healthy and Building their kingdom. And I am usually pretty okay with this. I can usually smile and be happy for them. But not today. Today I am not okay with it. Today my heart is breaking. And I don't want to be an orphan. I want my mom and dad. And I don't care if this request seems selfish. Because if you ask me. Its okay. Its okay to feel this way today.

But tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will let them have their peace and happiness and I will have faith that someday, someday I will be with my mom and dad again.

Things are looking up..

 Just a little FYI before you start reading this. There are some photo's on here that may make someone with a weak stomach a little queasy. If you are not good with medical procedures, I would advise about not reading this. haha.. but seriously. Or just scrolling through the pictures real quickly.

Wow. So I didn't get everything on my list done, but that is a pretty big list for a mother of four. Or at least I think it is. I did have a better attitude, I woke up in a great mood. Jackson sleeping through the night, and having a huge grin and cooing at me after his morning feeding had a lot to do with that. Oh and Samuel came in when he heard me awake and talked my ear off for a good half hour. I LOVE when he does that. And even when a certain someone was grumpy to me, and tried to ruin my good mood. I just brushed it off, and decided I was not going to let someone else be in charge of the way I am feeling for the day. So ★ Gold Star★ for me on that one,

I did give little Jackjack a bath. And although he did not pee on Pauls head this time, we both still enjoyed it. He loves bath time, I think the warm water soothes him, and how close my face is to him, and the interaction really adds to his excitement and pleasure at getting a bath. However.. he does not enjoy getting out of the bath, OR having lotion put on him. That is about the only time you will hear him crying, and let me tell you how hard it is to not just wrap him up in his towel and give him his Binky instead of torturing him with the whole getting lotion-ed up and dressed. But I was strong, and I suffered through the heart wrenching cries and after he was all done, we had a good snuggle/hooter time together. It was great. After that I put him in his swing and he was out for a good 2.5 hours. Then it was hooter time again. -A little back story, "hooter time" is what we call it when it is time for him to eat. I even announce it like "Hooters is now open for the next 10-15minutes" its a whole little bit, there is even a song that goes along with the theme song for those little cheesy snack fishes, "I love the hooters cause there so 'elicious, gotta love hooters" this is all done in baby talk....uh yeah haha... you'd have to see it I guess. All I know is Jackson seems to love it haha. Anywho haha ★Gold Star★ for that one too.

We didn't totally finish moving the stuff around. We got everything but our TV out of the room we are moving the 3 oldest into. We got their toys and beds moved over. Betty has a little play house type area going on in the closet area. Its pretty darn cute. Now she just needs Auntie Brea to bring Brooke and Koda over to play. All that is left is moving their dresser and night stands over. I am still in shock that Betty is taking this whole things so well. This will be her second night spent out of Mom and Dads room since she was born! Well with the exception of when her brothers got put in the hospital and she had to go stay with grandma. (She insisted on sleeping in our room when I was at the hospital with Jackson, even though everyone else was sleeping downstairs.) So I guess that would be half a ★Gold Star★ 


I did not get around to moving any of the boxes from downstairs up to here. Maybe Monday haha. Thank goodness my sister is a loving and patient woman. The delivery people usually just drop it right in the foyer area, I feel awkward asking them to carry the boxes upstairs. Once when I was about 7months pregnant with Betty, I told the person I was ordering from that we were in need of some assistance in getting the food upstairs, because I was pregnant and Paul is unable to carry that much weight up the stairs. She said that wouldn't be a problem and they would send someone out... They sent out this poor old lady. I was not going to ask her to carry that stuff upstairs. haha goodness. Well I think I deserve at least a pat on the back for this one haha, because even though I did not get those boxes moved up here, I did get what is left of Pauls food from last week moved into our closet and out of the hallway.

 We did manage to get Samuel to let us change out his button. He was the one that needed it really anyways. We usually try to change them out at the same time. Just easier that way. But Aidan was not having it today, and I do not want it to be a traumatic thing for him. I will just talk him into it later. He is funny about it. This past summer he was at the park with the kids and it had gotten pulled out. Two of the kids rushed home to tell us, while the other kids were rushing him home in the wagon as fast as they could. We met them half way and he wasn't crying or anything. just sitting in the wagon holding the button in his hand. I was able to pop the new one in right there, and that was even with out any lubrication to help it go in easier. But today he didn't want us to do it, so we let him be. His is good for another month or so anyways. I did mange to get pictures.

Supplies:

 

 Some sort of lubricant, we used olive oil this time, 

because that is what we had on hand

And a cup of water

A piece of gauze, 

the new button

and a 5cc syringe to blow up the balloon.

Now on to the procedure:

This is the old button

 

Deflating the balloon that holds the button in

by taking out the water with the 

5cc syringe

  

Lubricating to make it come out a little easier

Pulling it out

 

If you blow this picture up, 

you should be able to see the little hole

(It was making farting noises and blowing bubbles, the kids thought this was hilarious)

 

Putting the new one in.

 

Filling the balloon up with water.

 

Ta Da!

And this is the old button.

It looks nastier in real life.

And so that is how you change out a MIC-KEY feeding tube.

Seems scary, but that's just every day life to us.

★Gold Star★

 I did finish up with the laundry and I even went the extra mile of 

organizing the closets and Jackson dresser.

I think that earns me 

Two 

 ★Gold Stars★ 

I could not convince myself to go outside.

and when Paul told me how bad it was out there

I avoided even looking out at the window

 However..

I did happen to get a few shots of this:

   

and even though they are not edited, 

I think the  cuteness alone earns me

5 ★Gold Stars★

I did get a chance to have some one on one time with Paul and each of the kids. It was great. ♥

One Big Fat ★Gold Star★

  

 And this would be Zoey rocking Jackson in his swing...

Now that is a good little poochy ♥

I also started watching Grey's Anatomy tonight...

So far.. It is proving to be addicting.

Just what I need.

Another addicting TV show to watch,

By the way. did you catch the office last night?

PRICELESS!!

 

Goals For Tomorrow

1.  Have A Better Attitude and Look On The Bright side
2.  Give Jackson a bath
3. Finish moving the rooms around
4. Get all the boxes from our last feeding supply shipment moved upstairs.
5. Change out the boys MIC-KEY buttons.(Maybe I'll take pictures of the process and show you how its done)
6. Finish Putting Laundry Away
7. Take some pictures of the snow. (If there is any left by morning, if not then take pictures of something!)
8. Give Paul and the kids a sincere hug and tell them how much I love and appreciate them and how lucky I am that they are in my life. ♥ 

Whacky Wednesday

I can't come up with clever titles lately, and stating the obvious  (ie. Ran Errands Today) seems kind of lame haha. I don't have any pictures for you today, so if that is why you are here, then you are out of luck. Sorry.
I do need to and want to start taking my camera with me every where. Why? Because of the exact thing that happend to me on Monday. We were headed out to run some errands, I had forgotten something and ran back in the house, as I was stepping out the door I had this strong urge to run upstairs to grab my camera. But we were running late so I just blew it off. We get out on to Redwood Road, and all these cars start slowing down almost to  a stop all of a sudden, and off to the side of the road was.... ANTELOPE! No joke! I was so mad at myself. So I need to get into the habit of grabbing it. I think I'll start putting it next to the diaper bag, that way I will remember.

The last few days have been filled with errands and things getting done that need to get done. (well most things, our half of the house is a disaster. but we are moving rooms around anyways so oh well haha) We got the car registered today. We took Betty and Jackson with us, Aidan didn't want to go, so he stayed home with my sister. We first had to go to my 6week check up. Which went really fast, surprisingly. The doctor said everything looks good and that I should start exercising ASAP, because I am really starting to weigh the earth down. haha I am kidding. But I am going to get serious about this exercising thing and eating right thing. I have already cut Pepsi out of my diet because of Jackson. So now all that is left is junk food. Oh and also because of Jackson I have been drinking a TON of water. Paul bought me this cool jug, it is the equivalent of 8 glasses of water. I fill my jug up in the morning and I am good to go. Of course I add ice constantly because I don't know about you, but warm water is not for me. After my doctors appointment we went to go get the safety inspection done on the car. While they were doing that we walked around Biglots, not very exciting if you ask me. As we were leaving from there, Brea called and told me that Burger King had Pinkalicious (If you have a girly girl, I STRONGLY recommend getting this book, they will LOVE it!) toys in their happy meals. I was so excited! I convinced Paul that Betty "Needed" one, and  that Brea had gotten her girls one from the BK in Provo, which so happened to be where we were headed that very moment. After we got the car licensed, we headed over to BK and Paul took Betty in to get her Pinkalicious toy.

 

Okay so I lied about the whole picture thing

But I forgot I had these haha

(Yes Betty is probably the most spoiled little girl you'll ever meet,

but just look at her... How could you not spoil her!?)

All that took just enough time to make it so we could stop in at Dr.Weiperts and get Jackson weighed. He weighed in at 8lbs 11ounces. That is a whole pound and a half heavier than when we took him in for his two week. It just feels amazing to know that I am the reason he is gaining that weight! I am love LOVING this breast feeding thing. I am willing to do anything to make sure it continues on for a while. I had to give it up with the boys, and with Betty my milk dried up after two months. So I am doing everything I can to keep my milk supply in good standing. I pump after almost every feeding, feed him whenever he is hungry even if it has only been 30minutes since he last ate haha. This time I am making sure it will work out, even if it kills me!

We were going to move the upstairs around when we got home (we are moving rooms), but we decided to bum around for just one more day haha. But tomorrow we have no errands, so I am bound and determined that we will get laundry done, and we will get rooms moved! We might even throw in a good walk, depending on the weather. I have decided that doing things, is better than not doing things. I need to keep my mind busy so I don't get fixated and dwell on certain things. Now if I could just get Paul off his butt, haha I am kidding love you babe!

Well I think that is all the ramblings you need to hear from me today. 

OMG I almost forgot thee best part of today. I was getting Jackson ready for a bath, and the water felt a little warm to me, so Paul was was bent over working the faucet to cool it down, and 

JACKSON PEED ON HIS HEAD!!!

oh man that was the greatest moment in my life. lol Once again, Love you babe <33

Monday Madness

Monday morning started out pretty busy with errands. We had to run to walmart and get some things for the car so Paul can go get the safety inspection done on it. We took Aidan, Betty and Jackson with us (Samuel was at school) The kids were having a great time riding around in the new car. After we got our stuff from walmart, Paul had to put some new wiper blades on the car, and we had gotten some food for the kids, so we sat in the car and ate while Paul did his work. Aidan asked if we could go to park, and I thought what a great idea, Samuel and Brooklyn would be home from school by now. So when Paul was done and got in the car I said "Let just get the car registered tomorrow, and go home and take the kids to the park." He thought this was a great idea as well. So we dropped everything and headed home. Dusted off the stroller, Got all the kids jackets, bundled up JackJack and we were off.

Aidan trying to climb up this little rock wall type deal.

 

Victory was his!

 

Nothing makes my heart happier than when my boys succeed 

at something physically tasking for them.

 

 

And Betty falling off of this weird spinny chair

Landing on her head

Was the end of our park trip

I would like to send out a big thank you too Mr. Sun

for shining down on us

and God answering our prayers for warm sunny days ♥